In deference to her academic qualifications, I should refer to the newly-appointed (at least at the time of writing) director of the ABC as Dr Janet Albrechtsen. And as a favour to my fingers typing this piece at 2:14am, I should from now on refer to her simply as Dr J.
I have read some real gems of learning and erudition from Dr J over the years. I will never forget being amazed when she informed me of something my parents taught me but which I seem to have completely forgotten. In light of the despicable gang-rapes carried out by the dregs of humanity in south western Sydney, Dr J suggested that my parents taught me to rape white women.
Weird. I don’t recall my mum ever teaching me that. And considering her skin is so milky-white you’d think she was Bosnian, I can see why. As for my dad, well he was so devoted to the philosophy of raping white women that he sent me to St Andrews Cathedral School.
Dr J informed her readers some years back that Muslim migrants teach boys to rape white women as a right of passage, a kind of religious and cultural initiation. Which makes me wonder – which Muslim parents taught the troops of Dr Radovan Karadzic to rape the white Muslim and Catholic women of Bosnia?
But that’s OK. After all, we have to believe Dr J. She does, after all, have a PhD in law. And for that reason, she was perfectly able to justify the war against the people of Iraq. Janet claimed that UN Security Council Resolutions and the UN Charter proved the “Coalition of the Willing” (or should that be “Killing”?) had justification under international law to attack.
And we should all believe what Dr J has to say about public international law. Dr J knows. She has a PhD. In law. So shut up and listen. She is a lawyer. She should know.
Yep. And if, God-forbid, I ever develop Hep-C, I will be able to rely on the expert advice of my gynaecologist. After all, he is a doctor. He has studied medicine. He should know.
Dr J has a PhD in law. But what kind of law? Public international law? Or commercial law? Dr J started out her media career as a freelance columnist, writing pieces for the Australian Financial Review on ASX Listing Rules and corporate law, the subjects of her PhD thesis.
Now if the UN Charter could be interpreted in the same manner as the ASX Rules, I would be perfectly satisfied with Dr J’s fatwa on the Iraq war. But relying on a commercial lawyer for advice on international law is about as silly as relying an expert in medieval European history for expert advice on modern Islamist extremism.
Yet this silliness seems to be rife at News Limited. You have Dr Daniel Pipes writing for the New York Post and other News Limited tabloids. And you have Dr J penning her nonsense at The Australian.
And this leads me to Dr J’s latest piece, entitled “End of an innocent age”. I will, however, have to find another time to finish this analysis. Dr J’s treatment of the London bombing and the role of "British homeboy terrorists" is so predictable as to virtually put me to sleep. Reading her piece, you'd think Ali-G set off the bomb. Yeah, right. Azziff.
Thanks, Dr J. You have cured my insomnia. I just gotta get some sleep. Good night!
Words © 2005 Irfan Yusuf
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