SPORT: Cricket furore over logo a brew of bigotry

Everyone knows Aussies love their beer. Those few Aussies like myself who prefer to stay dry can't help but be entertained by beer adverts. And where would Australian cricket be without brewery sponsorship? The two make an awesome team.

But recently there have been some divisive (if not downright bigoted) attempts to drive a wedge between the two.

Fans of less gentlemanly sports such as the AFL and NRL have come to expect slurs from fans, commentators and officials. We all remember Sydney Swans star Adam Goodes being vilified by a young fan and then by the president of another AFL club. But for the federal election, cricket could have been plunged into a racial scandal. Maybe Australian sport does need some extra time in purgatory after the silly bigoted remarks and attitudes that have the ability to ruin the reputation of Australian cricket.

Fawad Ahmed is Australia's next great leg-spinning hope. He arrived in Australia on a short-term visa in 2010 from Pakistan, and then applied for asylum. His original home was the rural district of Swabi near the border with Afghanistan. He'd played cricket at district and first class level in Pakistan. One of his close friends, a local cricketer, was murdered by the Taliban. Ahmed was also threatened, both for his cricket (seen as an irreligious pursuit) as well as for his support of a local NGO pursuing women's rights.

Ahmed's appeal to the immigration minister for refugee status was supported by Cricket Australia. He is seen as possibly the next Shane Warne.

While other sports people are famous for consuming drink, snorting powder and/or a not-too-respectful attitude to women, Ahmed's life is an alcohol-free zone. He isn't opposed to playing in a team of mainly beer drinkers. He doesn't mind playing on grounds with CUB placards. He's a teetotaller, not a teetotalitarian.

Cricket Australia did its cultural homework. Chief executive James Sutherland said he approached Ahmed on the recent Australia A series in England. They suggested he may not want the VB logo on his uniform. Ahmed agreed.

The arrangement was initially the subject of rational objection. Former Australian fast bowler Geoff Lawson argued that if VB is paying you to play cricket and you don't like it, find another job. Lawson is hardly a religious bigot, having coached the Pakistan national squad and lived in the country.

Former Australian test batsman Doug Walters argued that if Ahmed didn't like the uniform, he shouldn't be allowed to play for Australia. He told The Daily Telegraph: ''I think if he doesn't want to wear the team gear, he should not be part of the team. Maybe he doesn't want to be paid, that's OK.''

There is a legitimate argument that a professional sportsman whose wages are paid by a sponsor should be part of legitimate efforts to ensure that sponsor gets maximum bang for sponsorship buck.

Cricket is no longer a sport dominated by England and Australia. Innovations such as Twenty20 have shifted the power and money of the game to the Indian subcontinent, which boasts national teams from Bangladesh, Pakistan, India, Sri Lanka and Afghanistan.

Australia already has a reputation overseas for treating refugees awfully, locking them up for years in virtual prisons and using them as political footballs in election campaigns.

A columnist for The National, a newspaper in Abu Dhabi, recently wrote that ''Australia has just voted in Tony Abbott as their new prime minister, whose not-so-nuanced approach to handling refugees is to 'stop the boats' and hence that Ahmed cannot look forward to much nuance from Australians if he doesn't score wickets quickly''.

Our reputation will hardly improve in international cricketing circles after comments made by former Australian international rugby union player David Campese in a tweet that read: ''Doug Walters tells Pakistan-born Fawad Ahmed: if you don't like the VB uniform, don't play for Australia Well said doug. Tell him to go home.''

Campese's tweet made headlines in sports pages across the cricketing world. South Africa's Weekend Argus reported Campese was suspended as a panellist on TV program SuperSport. South Africans don't seem to mind star batsman Hashim Amla not wearing a Castle Lager logo on his shirt.

Sydney's Anglican Dean, Dr Phillip Jensen, saw a deeper meaning in all this. After comparing Fawad Ahmed to the brave Christian athlete Eric Liddell who refused to run in the Olympics on a Sunday, Jensen remarked:

''How sad that it is the Muslim minority that are showing up our culture's commitment to jingoism and materialism. I wonder if Christians don't because our conscience was purchased a long time ago.''

The irony is that Carlton & United Brewery is quite happy with Ahmed's decision. A beer company is showing more sensitivity to clean living ways than some of Australia's top sports people. This and any further controversy can only be good for sales.

Irfan Yusuf is an award-winning author and champion armchair cricketer.

SPORT: Bookshop paradise

I believe in heaven. I've always wondered what it would be like. Maybe I should stop wondering and start preparing for it.

But let's wonder for a while. I'd like to think jannah/paradise is a huge library and bookshop where browsing and even shoplifting is permitted.

Books about all subjects, not just God and religion. Hopefully there will be lots of travel books, stuff on anthropology and politics. Entertaining and humorous novels. And books about sport. In particularly a sport I grew up playing in the backyard and being completely obsessed with.

And I hope Peter Roebuck will be there to sign some copies.

Suicide is a shocking thing. But cricket is wonderful.

OPINION: Cricket corruption exposes hypocrisy in Australian circles

I was watching Pakistani satellite TV at my parents' house in Sydney the other day when I saw an unusual character appear on the screen. He looked Pakistani. He dressed Pakistani. But he sounded like something straight out of Little Britain.

The young Londonistani told the Pakistani GEO cable news channel:

Dey should be sacked from da team and sent back to da motherland, innit.

Or something like that.

The GEO news crew back in the Lahore studios were clearly bemused by the passionate selfrighteousness of this and other Pakistani cricket fans in Pakistan and Britain responding to yet another match-fixing scandal involving Pakistani players and possibly officials. The sports presenter poked fun at the Pakistani team manager who had no trouble listening to the orders of his Pakistani administrators back home but had enormous trouble hearing the basic questions of international journalists in London.

But in a nation where cricket is perhaps the major religion, this is no laughing matter. Millions of Pakistanis witnessed their team suffer the biggest Test loss in its history.

And what made the loss even more humiliating was that it was at the hands of one of the world's weaker teams (England), a team that both Pakistani and Australian cricket fans have become accustomed to poking fun at.

Of course, it could never happen in Australian cricket. Certainly that's what cricket
journalist Michael Conn recently wrote in The Australian. Conn argued that the latest saga was a symptom of broader national corruption.

Cricket is widely regarded as a microcosm of the country where it is played, which offers an instant insight into why Pakistani cricket in particular and the ICC in general is such a basket case.

If it's as simple as that, how does Conn explain the incident involving Shane Warne and Mark Waugh, who happily took money from an Indian bookie in the mid-1990s? Admittedly they weren't accused of deliberately bowling no balls to throw a game away. But corruption is corruption whichever way you look at it.

Conn's argument reaches heights of hilarity when he suggests that it was corrupt nations from ...

... [t]he Afro-Asia bloc ...

... whose corrupt administrators blocked John Howard from becoming president of the International Cricket Council.

In short, having John Howard as ICC president would solve all of world cricket's corruption problems. We all know that John Howard would never oversee corruption, nor would he allow anyone involved in an administration he was in charge of to have direct links to corruption.



Those who claim the Howard prime ministership did not tolerate, whitewash or make excuses for corruption or cronyism would pause for thought if they read Caroline Overington's awardwinning Kickback: Inside The Australian Wheat Board Scandal.

They should also ask the new federal member for Denison whether Howard would treat a whistleblower on cricket corruption in the same manner as he treated the Office of National Assessments officer who blew the whistle on intelligence failures that led to a war that killed hundreds of thousands of Iraqis.

Everyone knows corruption exists at ICC level. Corrupt governments of nations where cricket is a major sport will happily stack their national cricket boards with cronies. But while many cricketing countries may have corruption issues, others have issues with dealing with racism and parochialism.

That support still lingers for a Howard presidency illustrates a peculiar form of parochialism that continues to exist in many Australian circles.

Howard supporters argued that the "Afro-Asian" bloc that opposed Howard's nomination to the ICC presidency earlier this year did so because of his attacks on Zimbabwe's racist anti-white government. Howard wanted sanctions against Zimbabwe and was a staunch critic of Mugabe's regime. He was right.

If only he was also right when it came to the racist anti- black apartheid regime that ruled South Africa during the 1970s and '80s, a time when Howard opposed economic and sporting sanctions against the regime. Howard's attitude went against the dominant world opinion at that time.

Farid Esack, a prominent South African anti-apartheid activist and a gender equity commissioner appointed by the Mandela government, told an American audience in 2006 that the anti-apartheid movement in South Africa saw those outside the country opposing sporting and economic sanctions as being collaborators with the apartheid regime. That presumably includes John Howard.

Some would argue that all this talk of Howard's responses to apartheid, AWB, Andrew Wilkie, Iraq (and indeed Dr Haneef, Asian immigration, Pauline Hanson, asylum seekers, the stolen generation) is just ancient history. The real issue is cricket corruption.

Fair enough. Let's look at this in simple terms. One major element of corruption is that the right job goes to the wrong (and often least qualified) person. Australia and New Zealand had the opportunity to put forward a nominee for the ICC presidency.

They had a choice between Sir John Anderson, a top-notch experienced and respected New Zealand administrator, and John Howard. Australia bullied New Zealand into withdrawing Anderson's nomination, despite the fact that he was already pencilled in for the job.

And now Howard's backers have the temerity to cry corruption.

Irfan Yusuf is a lawyer and author of Once Were Radicals. His top score was 14 runs for the St Andrews' under-14s. He will not be nominating for the ICC presidency in the foreseeable future. This article was first published in The Canberra Times on 1 September 2010.

SPORT: Cricket corruption ...

Corruption in cricket (or "kirkit" as my chronically South Asian mum calls it) has become a joke. South Asians are used to corruption. It's an everyday thing in India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka. It never happens in Australia. Just ask the Australian Wheat Board. Or the Queensland Police.

Malcolm Conn uses a column in The Australian to remind us all of just how corrupt everyone is in Africa and Asia.

Cricket is widely regarded as a microcosm of the country where it is played, which offers an instant insight into why Pakistani cricket in particular and the ICC in general is such a basket case ...

The Afro-Asia bloc, which brought down the process, has South Africa coming in at 55 on the corruption index while India is ranked 84, Sri Lanka 97, both Pakistan and Bangladesh on 139 and Zimbabwe 146.

He argues that these countries all opposed John Howard's potential presidency to the ICC. A Howard Presidency, just like the Howard Prime Ministership, would never have tolerated corruption. It would never have whitewashed or made excuses for the corrupt. It would have kept a huge distance from itself and corruption.

Conn is right. Just ask the Australian Wheat Board.

UPDATE I: Australian wickie legend Ian Healy claims there was no fixing by the Pakistani wickie at the Sydney Test in January.

UPDATE II: Fairfax websites reproduce an interesting article from the UK Daily Telegraph in which the author makes these enlightening observations:

Pakistan's dressing room is unusual. The first language is not English and Muslim prayers are said and Ramadan, as now, observed.

Gee, that's strange. They don't speak English in the Pakistani dressing room. I wonder why. Could it be because Pakistan is a non-English speaking country? And what is so unusual about Muslim prayers? Last time I checked, the country was called the "Islamic Republic of Pakistan". Yes, the corruption isn't terribly Islamic. But to make a link between corruption on the one hand and prayers and linguistic choices on the other is ridiculous.

SPORT: All-Indian Superstars

Irfan Yusuf watches his cricketing namesakes hit sectarian politics out of the park in Gujurat ...

Humility is one of my strengths. Indeed, I can confidently state that I’m the most humble person I know. To confirm this, over the weekend, I took the ultimate humility test. I sat down at my computer, from whence many an article for this magnificent website has emerged, and surfed my way to Google News. There, I typed the words "Irfan Yusuf" and clicked.

As my self-effacing nature expected, the first item was an article on WYD published under my name in the New Zealand Herald. But what followed was quite instructive: article upon article from newspapers, sports blogs, cricket blogs, TV websites and e-zines about two Indian cricketers. There’s no doubt that in the online Irfan Yusuf stakes, Irfan Pathan and Yusuf Pathan are hitting me for six!

Growing up with a name no one could pronounce wasn’t the nicest experience. Was it "Eefun"? Or "Urfun"? Or "Earphone"? And if that wasn’t bad enough, people constantly misspelt my surname. "No, it isn’t ‘Y’ ‘O’ ‘U’ double-’S’ etc". Get the drift? I doubt I’ll have any more problems with spelling or pronunciation on my next trip to India. Thanks to a pair of Gujarati cricketers, millions of Indians now know how to spell and pronounce my full name correctly.

The Pathan brothers are all-Indian superstars. They hail from the north-western Indian state of Gujarat, part of which borders Pakistan. Gujarat was also the hometown of the great lawyer Mohandas Gandhi, who spent some years in South Africa fighting apartheid and went on to become the spiritual leader of the Indian independence movement.

There is a spiritual side to the story of the Pathan brothers. Until recently, their father Mehboob Khan was the caretaker at the Jammi Masjid (congregational mosque) in Mandvi, a suburb of the Gujrati town of Varodara. He had inherited this role from his father and grandfather. The mosque is 400 years old, older than any mosque — or indeed any church — in Australia. With the exception of Indonesia, India has more Muslims than any other country on earth. Yet Indian Muslims make up only around 15 per cent of India’s population. Most are relatively poor.

After the 1947 Partition, people on the "wrong" side of the India-Pakistan border left everything behind to make it to the "right" side. The Pathan family were different. Sher Jaman Ibrahim Khan, the paternal grandfather of Irfan and Yusuf Pathan, migrated from the Manshera district of Pakistan to India a few months before Partition.

Although India is officially secular, it has seen a rise in pseudo-religious far-Right Hindu nationalist politics. It isn’t alone in this regard. Until the most recent elections, two Pakistani provinces were dominated by pseudo-religious Islamist parties.

I describe such politics as pseudo-religious because I believe that no religion teaches its followers to be intolerant toward the poor and the vulnerable. The situations of millions of Hindu, Sikh and Christian Pakistanis are made to feel even more precarious thanks to misdirected blasphemy laws promoted by Pakistani politicians who only use Islam as a divisive wedge. On the other side of the border, similar wedges — of the allegedly Hindu variety — are used by Indian politicians to make millions of Muslim and Christian Indians feel vulnerable.

The Pathan brothers may tour across the world scoring runs and taking wickets with millions back home cheering them on. However, their home town in Gujarat is frequently the scene of communal violence whipped up by extremists from the governing fundamentalist Bharatiya Janata Dal (BJP) party. Go to the BJP website and you’ll see that Gujarat and India’s proudest son, Mahatma Gandhi, barely rates a mention. You’ll also read essays blaming allegedly foreign "Semitic" faiths for India’s woes.

The BJP State Government of Gujarat led a massacre of religious minorities in 2002 that saw thousands of civilians murdered and hundreds of women raped by mobs armed with official records showing the residential and business addresses of Muslims and Christians. While the rest of India tossed out the BJP in the last national elections, Gujarat’s Chief Minister Narenda Modi remains the man who allegedly orchestrated much of the 2002 violence — or at the very least turned a blind eye to it.

This explosive environment even affects national heroes like Irfan and Yusuf Pathan. In May 2006, Indian journalists spent time in the Pathan family home. Don’t let the headline "Genius in the time of hatred and bloodshed" put you off reading the inspiring story of young Indian athletes who honed in their skills in an environment where their poverty-stricken families and communities were subjected to discrimination and even violence.

The religion that South Asians follow most fanatically - cricket - is, ironically enough, one which overrides sectarian exclusions. Pakistan’s national side has no shortage of Hindu and Christian players, and Muslim, Sikh and Christian players step up to the pitch for India. In both India and Pakistan, religious fundamentalism sits side by side with a blend of tolerance and pluralism that is often best displayed on sporting fields.

The good news is that the Pathan brothers were able to use cricket to rise above the sectarian bigotry. We often hear that sport - and religion - and politics shouldn’t mix. But sometimes spectator sport can become a powerful religious force in its own right allowing its practitioners and fans to overcome the obstacles set by sectarian politicians.

First published in NewMatilda on 17 July 2008.


Words © 2010 Irfan Yusuf

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COMMENT: More on the Lahore attacks ...

Pakistan was meant to co-host the 2011 World Cup along with India, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka. Yet according to a report by the Press Trust of India, it seems that at least Indian cricket official would like Pakistan dropped off the list of countries. Still, it's unlikely Pakistan will be be a co-host given the security lapses arising from the Lahore attack. I think the Pakistani cricket officials need to be a bit more realistic. At least one official has been quoted as saying:

We were expecting some words of support from the Indian Board even though we know that realistically speaking World Cup matches are unlikely to be held in Pakistan following the unfortunate incident ... We would think that since the tournament is to be hosted in four countries in the same continent, the ICC and its member boards can wait for another six months to see how the security situation improves in Pakistan before taking a final decision on the matches in Pakistan.

A ban on international games being hosted in Pakistan would be perhaps the most effective way to make ordinary Pakistanis feel isolated. Pakistan is cricket-crazy, and many Pakistanis will feel they are being boycotted in the same manner as apartheid South Africa was once the subject to a sporting boycott. Except that in Pakistan's case, there is no apartheid in place.

The Sri Lankan players have said that they were able to respond as effectively as they did to the attacks because they have become accustomed to terrorism. The Economic Times of India quoted captain Mahela Jayawardene on 5 March as saying:

We have been brought up in a background of terrorist activities. We are used to hearing, seeing these things — firing , bombings. So we ducked under our seats when the firing began. It was like natural instinct ...

The attack took place about 500 metres from the Gaddafi ground (in Lahore) by unidentified gunmen who attacked the bus in which we were travelling. During the attack every player took shelter by ducking inside the bus. The security vehicle for the players was also attacked , besides the bus ...

We wish to forget this incident, put it behind us and look forward and concentrate on our future matches. We were lucky to come out of the attack ...

We were not aware of security lapses. It’s an unfortunate incident. In hindsight, this could have happened anywhere in the world.

Omar Waraich writes in Time about some responses by ordinary people in Lahore, where a makeshift memorial has been set up to remember the police officers who died in the attack.

Near the edge of the grassy roundabout in Liberty Square where gunmen attacked the tourists' bus, activists, lawyers, policemen and ordinary citizens arrived to lay flowers by a sign saluting the bravery of Tanveer Iqbal, one of the six Pakistani policemen slain in the raid. Some raised their cupped hands in prayer, others solemnly held up candles. A large banner expressed solidarity with the "heroes of Sri Lanka." ...

"I have come here to pay tribute to my martyred colleagues," says Anjum Akhtar, a Lahore-based policeman, as he lays a bouquet of roses by the memorial. Akhtar laments that terrorist attacks have become "routine." "It's something we sadly share with the people of Sri Lanka, they suffer terrorist attacks, too," he says. But Tuesday's attack on the Sri Lankan team was different, the stocky policeman believes. "This time they attacked our country and our guests." ...

Even as Pakistan's vicious wave of militancy has spread eastwards from the Afghan border areas in recent years, sporting events have remained largely immune. The sole exception was a 2002 suicide attack outside the Karachi hotel where a visiting New Zealand cricket team were staying. Zafar Khan, the bus driver killed in Tuesday's attack, had driven for the Kiwis, too.

While fundamentalist clerics have issued fatwas against yoga in Indonesia and against the Indian tennis star, Sania Mirza, some Pakistanis hasten to point out that no equivalent edict has been voiced against cricket in Pakistan. "There are two pastimes that the Taliban really like," says Hameedullah Khan, a journalist from the Swat valley. "Playing cricket and drinking Mountain Dew."

Many in Pakistan are critical of the government. As in most democracies, when all else fails, locals prefer to lay all blame on the government. In this case, their arguments perhaps aren't without foundation.

Like many in the Liberty Square area, Ahmed is also critical of the government's failure to provide the Sri Lankan team with sufficient protection. "The team was here as our guests, but they left frightened and injured," Ahmed says, his voice thick with emotion. "It was our responsibility to protect them. Our government is so useless that they couldn't take care of the Sri Lankans. There is now a big threat to our national game. If Sri Lanka was able to play and leave safely, others would have been encouraged to come over here and play also. Now no one will come. Our image has been damaged across the world, and our national team is left useless, with no one to play."

Outside the landmark red-brick Gaddafi stadium renamed after the Libyan leader in 1974, marketing agent Tariq Mahmood sits forlornly with the morning's newspaper. He was meant to have spent the day watching the third day of the test match with Pakistan. Instead, he casts his eyes over the headlines and photographs with despair.

Living in Lahore, Mahmood has also heard large bombs explode outside the High Court and at the Navy College, both on The Mall road. Yet he insists that there is "a big difference between previous incidents and this one". "Think of Pakistan as a body," he says. "Sometimes the terrorists cut off a finger, sometimes an ear. This time, they've cut off our feet. This is a historic tragedy. They wanted to destroy our very base, our foundation. The Sri Lankan team came after so much difficulty. We begged and begged them to come. India had boycott us. New Zealand were stopped from coming. And what did we do with the trust that the Sri Lankans put in our hands? We broke our promises of security."

More to come.

Words © 2009 Irfan Yusuf


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CRIKEY: Herald Sun commenters calls for Pakistan to be wiped off the map ...

The Governor of Pakistan's Punjab province is convinced the recent Lahore bombings were the work of the Lashkar-i-Tayyiba (LeT) terrorist group believed responsible for the Bombay attacks last November. At the time of writing, no-one has claimed responsibility for the attack that killed six Pakistani policemen and two passers-by.

Eight Pakistanis dead. And one Pakistani umpire in a critical condition in hospital. But that didn't stop Andrew Bolt and his fellow moderators from allowing this comment to be posted on his Herald Sun blog:

Peter of Mt Eliza
replied to George P
Tue 03 Mar 09 (08:30pm)
Time for a Carthaginian solution. If you don't understand, brush up on your history. It works. Brutal - yes. Effective – Yes.

Peter of Mt Eliza has posted a comment literally calling for the complete annihilation of Pakistan as a nation state; that the best way to deal with 200 million Pakistanis is to do to them what the Romans did to the people of Carthage in 146BC. He calls upon readers to brush up on their history. I've just brushed up on mine. The results are frightening.

The Romans sacked Carthage, massacred hundreds of thousands, enslaved tens of thousands and destroyed the city completely. Out of some 2-400,000 Carthaginians, around 150,000 perished. It's the kind of stuff you learn in high school history lessons. According to Yale genocide historian Professor Ben Kiernan, the Roman strategy in Carthage

... fits the modern legal definition of the 1948 United Nations Genocide Convention: the intentional destruction 'in whole or in part, [of] a national, ethnical, racial or religious group, as such'.

And so the Herald Sun's blog moderators have out-done themselves. They have allowed a comment to be moderated on the blog of their star columnist which calls for a modern nation-state to be wiped off the map.

Eat your heart out, Ahmedinejad! Then again, maybe not ...

An edited version of this article was first published in Crikey on 4 March 2009.

PAKISTAN: Some comments on the recent Lahore blasts ...

Before I start, here are a few admissions.

I haven't been to Pakistan since 1994/95. During that trip, I travelled only to Karachi and Lahore. I speak Urdu (the national language of Pakistan) but I don't read it fluently and hence don't have access to Urdu-language Pakistani newspapers. I have access to three Pakistani satellite news channels, including the public=owned PTV and the private channels of Aaj and Geo TV. I have been following reports and updates on all three channels. Suffice it to say that all three have devoted their broadcasts to this latest example of what Urdu speakers call dehshat-gardi (spreading of terror i.e. terrorism).

Pakistan may describe itself as an Islamic republic, but the real religion which unites all Pakistanis is cricket. This is a cricket-mad country. I remember being in Pakistan when an overseas team was touring, and seeing crowded city streets become almost deserted and shops open but with shop keepers having their eyes glued to the TV sets.

During the early 1990's, one Pakistani mufti became a laughing stock after delivering a fatwa that cricket was haraam (forbidden under religious law). His reasons? He claimed people who watched cricket rarely took time out to perform their nemaaz (the worship Muslims are required to perform at five set times a day). And that Pakistani women would get excited by watching Pakistani bowlers like Imran Khan rub the ball in a certain place as he walked back to start his run-up.

Perhaps the shock of the Marriot Hotel blasts in Islamabad shocked people in the middle and upper classes. However, cricket is something Pakistanis of all classes enjoy. Cricket is played in both slums and on the turf pitches of posh Pakistani private schools. Cricketers, be they Pakistani or foreign, are like the revered saints of this secular religion. Umpires (except when they are deemed to have made the wrong decision) are like the high priests.

Here is an excerpt from a report in The Age:

At least eight people were killed and seven Sri Lankan cricketers were wounded when a masked gang armed with Kalashnikovs, rocket launchers and grenades attacked the team bus and its security escort in Lahore. Six of those who died in the attack were police officers ...

The attack happened about 9am local time as the team was heading to Lahore's Gaddafi Stadium for the third day's play in the second Test ...

Witnesses said Lahore's Liberty Square district, home to designer boutiques and offices, became a battlefield as gunmen hiding behind trees opened fire. Television footage showed the assailants running through the streets carrying machine-guns and with rucksacks on their backs. Some had reportedly arrived on auto-rickshaws.

Sri Lankan captain Mahela Jayawardene said the gunmen first shot at the tyres, then at the bus itself.

"We all dived to the floor to take cover," he said.

Most of the injuries to team members were minor, but Lahore police chief Haji Habibur Rehman said it could have been much worse — the attackers fired a rocket that missed the bus, then threw grenades underneath which failed to explode.

"The plan was apparently to kill the Sri Lankan team but the police came in the way," he said.

Australian freelance cameraman Tony Bennett said explosions and gunfire could be heard from the stadium.

"Next thing we knew, the Sri Lankan team bus rolls up being sprayed by bullets," he said.

Pakistani air force helicopters later evacuated the team, including two on stretchers, from the middle of the stadium. The players were to leave for Sri Lanka later on a specially chartered plane.

Last night, the gunmen remained at large, and no group had claimed responsibility.

India showed its sympathy for Pakistan as it faced yet another terrorist attack.

India denounced as "hopelessly inadequate" Pakistani security after the attack and cited Islamabad's failure to crush militant groups on its soil.

India, of course, has absolutely no problem with curbing extremism on its side of the border. It's not as if religious fanatics in India are threateneing minorities. And to suggest that architects of theocratic terror could be elected to the highest posts in the land is clearly wrong. Only partisan extremists like this person could make such claims.

(Then again, quite a few Pakistani pundits on the TV channels I saw were also saying that the Pakistani police and intelligence services had failed dismally in failing to protect the touring Sri Lankan cricket team. And indeed many Indian pundits severely criticised Indian police and intelligence for the Bombay attacks.)

Who is responsible? Muslim extremists? Tamil Tigers? The Governor of Punjab has already decided who is to blame. The Australian reports on Wednesday 4 March 2009:

Punjabi Governor Salman Tahseer said the 12 masked and heavily armed gunmen who attacked the cricket convoy as it approached the Gaddafi stadium were not ordinary terrorists, but highly trained.

While last night no group had claimed responsibility for the attack, Mr Tahseer said the terrorists appeared to follow the same modus operandi as the Mumbai gunmen, who have been linked to the Pakistani Islamic terror group Lashkar-e-Toiba.

"I want to say it's the same pattern, the same terrorists who attacked Mumbai," Mr Tahseer said.

Certainly Tahseer's claims point to the most likely explanation.

More to come.

UPDATE I: Already Sri Lankan Tamils are getting nervous at the possibility of Tamil Tigers' involvement in the Lahore attacks. Here is what Hamish McDonald, writing for the Sydney Morning Herald, has picked up from discussions on Sri Lankan media websites:

Take this exchange on the popular website www.lankanewspapers.com within a few hours of the team being attacked in Lahore.

A posting by "Pacha" noted that Tamil star bowler Muttiah Muralitharan was not among the reported victims: "Murali not injured suld have known this attack before."

"Lankaputha" chimed in with a reference to alternate captain Tillakaratne Dilshan, a recent convert to the majority Buddhism from the island's Muslim minority: "Interesting … And not even Dilshan, a Muslim."

A bitter voice of dissent came from "Derorak": "Yea, go ahead, blame that lone Tamil. Man! The Sinhalese must blame everything on Tamil. That is the extent of anti Tamil hatred of Sinhala racism. Poor guy, Sinhalayass gonna kill him."

Given Sri Lanka's bitter history of ethnic-based warfare, it's little wonder minorities are becoming worried. McDonald continues:

After 25 years of civil war and 70,000 deaths, ethnic sensitivities are inflamed among Sri Lanka's 21 million people.

Should any evidence emerge that the Tigers carried out the Lahore attack, the potential for attacks by the Sinhalese majority against Sri Lanka's Tamils is very high. It was a virtual pogrom against them in 1983 that launched the civil war to create a separate Tamil homeland or Eelam in the island's north and north-east ...

... the attack also has the hallmarks and desperation of the Tigers' leader, Velupillai Pirapaharan, now pressed into a tiny pocket of the island's north-east jungles by a force of 50,000 government troops.

The attack would strike a final blow at hopes of President Mahinda Rajapaksa that a military victory will end the conflict. It would also punish Pakistan for providing the Colombo government with much of its army's powerful new weaponry.

Many Pakistanis are already saying the attack was the work of Muslim extremists. I'm sure many Tamils in Sri Lanka will be hoping and praying this is the case. I can hardly blame them. It's not easy being part of a minority community in a South Asian country.

Words © 2009 Irfan Yusuf


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VIDEO: Hayden repeatedly smeshuz the Kiwis for sex ...

Apologies for the eksunt ...

Matthew Hayden' 181 Against New Zealand
Uploaded by eCricTV

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VIDEO/CRICKET: Interview with Imran Khan on the occasion of him announcing his retirement ...

UPDATE: Stuff published elsewhere ...

Cricket fans will be completely couldn't-give-a-rat's-backside to learn that this piece about my namesakes was published in NewMatilda recently.



I've started writing for Eureka Street, a fantastic online magazine published by a group of exceptionally funky Jesuits in Melbourne. Apparently the magazine got its name because of profound historical reasons. Its first office was located in a street named Eureka Street. My first submission is here.

Apart from that, I really don't have much to announce. Except that I am getting hitched soon. Who is she? Who would submit herself to a life of such creativity, excitement and over-consumption of Turkish pide?

I can't say. But I do find the following music clip extremely amusing.



Words © 2008 Irfan Yusuf


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UPDATE: More of my crap ...

In case you have nothing better to do with your life, read about Maharaja Shane Warne, who might well become Bollywood's next dancing and miming sensation.

Rupert Murdoch has ordered Piersed Akumen to run in a Sydney by-election. Yeah, right. And pigs will fly, you say. Well, they certainly are flying in a seat in the English House of Commons. Click here to read about Uncle Rupert's candidate who is running on the platform of having people wipe their feet with the Magna Carta before walking into gaol for upto 42 days.

What is it with some American citizens? I reckon these guys might be onto something. Or if you don't like the song, perhaps try reading the book ...

Words © 2008 Irfan Yusuf


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UPDATE: More stuff published elsewhere ...

The Kiwis have suddenly discovered Camden. Either that, or they've had far more important things to read and write about. This rather blasphemous piece has just made an appearance in the New Zealand Herald.


Meanwhile, the wonderful folks at NewMatilda have allowed yours truly to cut loose on iguanas and other political animals here.

And if you've got 15 minutes to spare, watch this special on Wazzi Acrim's career. Marvellous stuff.

Words © 2008 Irfan Yusuf


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UPDATE: Stuff recently published ...

OK, in case anyone gives a stuff, here's what I think of 2 recently published books which provide some analysis on what people living in various Muslim communities think of life, the world, politics and just about everything else (well, apart from hoochies). You can read the slightly unedited version here.

The NSW Liberals always make fascinating writing, even if their antics can bore readers to death. Little wonder this piece in New Matilda managed to generate absolutely no comments.

It seems people are more interested in talking about the possibility of killing criminals. I hope this piece for ABC Unleashed reaches a double-century of comments.

And I give British author Imran Ahmad another plug here.

But why read when you can watch this superb display of bowling from Wazzi A-Crim?

Words © 2008 Irfan Yusuf


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SPORT: Introducing India's all-Aussie cricket hero

For centuries, the warrior-state of Rajasthan successfully resisted the rule of my ancestors, the Mughal kings. Rajasthani’s were fearsome fighters, a proud people who even taught their females to fight, something unknown among Indians.

Now Rajasthan has successfully fought and won India ’s newest and biggest sporting battle, defeating the Chennai Super Kings by 3 wickets. Strangely enough, Rajasthan’s general was none other than Australian cricketing legend Shane Warne.

Rajasthan batted second, chasing a total of 163. They needed a run-rate of over 8 per over. In 1-day cricket terms, a run rate of 6 per over would be deemed near impossible. But in twenty-20 cricket, such high run rates are quite normal.

Also quite normal are batsmen who hit more sixes than fours. Rajasthan’s star batsman, Yusuf Pathan, hit 4 sixes and 4 fours and reached a total of 56 in 39 balls. Pathan’s partnership with Shane Watson yielded 65 runs in just 45 balls.

Ironically, the winning runs were hit by Sohail Tanveer, who at international level plays for India ’s arch cricketing rival Pakistan . Rajasthan’s captain, our very own legend Shane Warne, was also batting at the time.

Warnie will get to hold up the diamond-and-ruby-studded IPL trophy. As Rajasthan’s captain, Warne has now become an Indian hero. No doubt Bollywood will make him a few movie offers. I can imagine him performing some hot Bollywood dance moves or punching villains despite his swinging fist being 1 metre or so away from anyone’s face.

I predict Twenty-20 will have an impact on the 1-day game. Batsmen will be less reluctant to hit sixes. Batting teams will score runs much faster. A final score of 350 for the side opening the batting will often no longer be a winning score.

Will English county cricket teams still attract top overseas players? I doubt it. The IPL tournament will become the tournament of choice for players seeking overseas experience and a fast buck. Alleged monkey Andrew Symonds managed to pick up a cool $1.47 million. No doubt he’ll feel like the monkey-god with that sort of money. And I’d happily change my surname to Pathan if it meant securing US$925,000 from the Kings XI Punjab financiers.

In other cricketing news, rumour has it that the Aussies are playing the West Indies in a test series …

Words © 2008 Irfan Yusuf


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CRIKEY: How to stop a cricket civil war ...

Well, it seems international cricket is about to have its first world war. It started with at least one Indian bastard being found guilty of poking fun at the appearance of an Aussie monkey. Then a heap of other Aussie monkeys retaliated by calling the bastards bastards (presumably to keep them honest, of course!).

Now it seems one monkey’s parents are receiving abusive phone calls, while the Windies are peeved that umpire Steve Bucknor has been dropped despite not having called anyone a monkey or a bastard.

And in a move sure to encourage Billy Birmingham back into the recording studio, the bastards are accusing Ian Chappell and other Channel 9 TV commentators of adding fuel to the fire by their constant replay of controversial decisions accompanied by acidic commentary. In all fairness, I think it’s a bit rich to blame Aussie TV commentators, who are never known to be engaged in controversies over racial slurs. (OK, let’s all cough the following words in unison: “bullsh*t, bullsh*t” in honour of Dean Jones.)

And I imagine Ponting (the poor bastard) is still licking his wounds after being told by Peter Roebuck and other influential cricket pundits to go get sacked.

And all this was caused by the International Cricket Council caving in to the demands of the Board of Cricket Control in India (BCCI, not to be confused with the BCCI, the allegedly corrupt and now-defunct Bank of Credit & Commerce International). Yet even the extraordinary backflip by the ICC may not stop the BCCI from suspending the tour and calling the bastards back home.

I’m not sure what the solution to all this is. Maybe the Pope needs to step in and inject some blessing into the game so that it reflects the same “values of honesty, solidarity and fraternity, especially among younger generations” as soccer.

Actually, the best precedent for resolving this has already been set by Dean Jones and South African all-rounder Hashim Amla. Basically Dean Jones apologised for calling Amla a terrorist, and Amla accepted the apology. Perhaps the bastards should apologise to the monkeys and vice versa. Then they can forgive each other and get on with it while the rest of us dust off our old Billy Birmingham CDs.

First published in the Crikey Daily Alert for 10 January 2007.

Words © 2008 Irfan Yusuf

UPDATE I: Some responses from Crikey readers ...

Greg Ellis
Thursday, 10 January 2008 2:37:26 PM
Multiple abuser of teenagers Peter Roebuck deserves to have his name connected to a URL too. The fullest account is at: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2001/10/20/nroe20.xml

Chris
Thursday, 10 January 2008 2:45:00 PM
I hope Yusuf isn's seriously suggesting it is appropriate to refer to a person of African descent as a "monkey", or that it is somehow equivalent to calling someone a bastard. Pathetic article.

Lisa Crago
Thursday, 10 January 2008 4:05:37 PM
THANKYOU Irfan,after all the tension, this comic simplification is a welcome relief from all the dangerous inflamatory commentary we have read from both sides.bring in the pope,lol, sport&politics&religion,hardly cricket fun, plus no mexican wave :(

russell
Thursday, 10 January 2008 5:20:47 PM
Lisa is right.Irfans article shows how ludicrously the whole situation has been inflamed.Nneither countries or ICC come out of the situation with much credibility.Hopefully the tour will continue and all concerned will learn to"play the game" as in past

John BRYAN
Thursday, 10 January 2008 5:20:50 PM
What a pleasure to read something so witty. Crikey needs more of this. Mostly your correspondents take themselves so seriously. And they're righteous. Oh so righteous. Will I subscribe again? Too predictable and angry. And righteous!

Dave Liberts
Friday, 11 January 2008 9:05:27 AM
Check out Kevin Smith's film Clerks 2 for a top debate about whether the term 'porch monkey' is racist. Irfan isn't being racist in this article, Chris Ellis, he's just 'taking it back' (if you don't get this, see the movie).

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